Me #23: Missing part(s)

29 Dec 2016
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Thunderstorm outside. I hate thunderstorm to be exact and I hate rain. I hate the surroundings they created and I hate the feeling of loneliness every time the clouds turn dark and the wind blows strong. I hate feeling cold that sometimes give me cramps on my thighs.

But that is my nature.

Thunderstorm.
Rainy.
Lonely.
Dark.
Cold.


I don't get it. Why do things I love are the things I never get? Why can't I have something that I love? Why did I always received something not in my favour?
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
I am still there in my rock bottom. Not moving. Drown with other people happiness and success. Why can't I truly be happy with myself? Why can't I love myself? Why every time I try to convince myself that I am better than someone, my heart breaks, and shatters? Why every time I try to make myself happy, it turns otherwise? What is missing in me? What is that thing that stopping me from being happy and free? I no longer feels the burning fire once there in my heart. No longer see the dreams I've been dreaming for years.

What is missing in me?


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