Me #19: Three Mistakes
Assalamualaikum.
Yup, it is early. 11 minutes past 9 am. And I am having my oat crackers for breakfast. Eheh.
Yesterday, I got crushed again. By the same person, again. For the same reason, again. Before that, let me remind you that this is not about love. Well, since I got crushed for the same reason and by the same person before, I don't feel really bad like the first one. However, I still dropped a few tears. Lol.
This thing again makes me think back. Why do I start this journey. For what reasons actually I agree to do this. Then, last night I make a little thinking. Having a "Dr" title in my name has been my ultimate dream ever along my life. I have been wanted it since I was in primary school, and alhamdulillah I am one step closer now. Growing up, I know people. I know stuffs. I know places. I grew this one tiny feelings of wanting all these things. So, I set up my mind saying that I MUST get my PhD so that I could have better job and have everything I wanted.
One.
Along the journey, I met few people which annoyed me with their richness, with their intelligence, with their arrogance and also with their dumbness. Seeing all those people made me pissed. Only then I set another thing in my mind. I MUST have my PhD so that these people can never talk about their so called greatness in front of me again. I have to show them that me too is great and no one can ever look down on me. Not anymore.
Two.
Then, seeing other friends having fun. Going here and there. Taking their parents and family out for awesome dinner. Having their parents to be so proud of them. I envied. I wanted mum and dad to be proud of me too. Hence, I choose to start this journey. I want to feel proud and I wanted my mum and dad to be proud too.
Three.
Yes, three mistakes I have made since the last 15 years or so. 15 years living for the wrong cause and the wrong niat. I knew all along everything I do must be solely because of Allah S.W.T. Lillahitaa'la. I knew it but what am I doing. Maybe, that is why HE gave me so much tests. HE tested me with failures, with money, with lack of knowledge. Because HE wanted to remind me that I need to change my niat in EVERYTHING I do. I keep on blaming people this and that but the fact is, the problems are all because of my own self.
Shame on you, Nurul!
So, today I want to start fresh. Start anew. With hope that Allah will bless me and will never stop guiding me through out this journey. Please forgive me, ya Allah :( And these tests? I will face it with calm and patience.
I will renew my niat. I will seek for HIS help. I will be patient.
HE will definitely answer me, sooner or later. InsyaAllah.
Yup, it is early. 11 minutes past 9 am. And I am having my oat crackers for breakfast. Eheh.
Yesterday, I got crushed again. By the same person, again. For the same reason, again. Before that, let me remind you that this is not about love. Well, since I got crushed for the same reason and by the same person before, I don't feel really bad like the first one. However, I still dropped a few tears. Lol.
This thing again makes me think back. Why do I start this journey. For what reasons actually I agree to do this. Then, last night I make a little thinking. Having a "Dr" title in my name has been my ultimate dream ever along my life. I have been wanted it since I was in primary school, and alhamdulillah I am one step closer now. Growing up, I know people. I know stuffs. I know places. I grew this one tiny feelings of wanting all these things. So, I set up my mind saying that I MUST get my PhD so that I could have better job and have everything I wanted.
One.
Along the journey, I met few people which annoyed me with their richness, with their intelligence, with their arrogance and also with their dumbness. Seeing all those people made me pissed. Only then I set another thing in my mind. I MUST have my PhD so that these people can never talk about their so called greatness in front of me again. I have to show them that me too is great and no one can ever look down on me. Not anymore.
Two.
Then, seeing other friends having fun. Going here and there. Taking their parents and family out for awesome dinner. Having their parents to be so proud of them. I envied. I wanted mum and dad to be proud of me too. Hence, I choose to start this journey. I want to feel proud and I wanted my mum and dad to be proud too.
Three.
Yes, three mistakes I have made since the last 15 years or so. 15 years living for the wrong cause and the wrong niat. I knew all along everything I do must be solely because of Allah S.W.T. Lillahitaa'la. I knew it but what am I doing. Maybe, that is why HE gave me so much tests. HE tested me with failures, with money, with lack of knowledge. Because HE wanted to remind me that I need to change my niat in EVERYTHING I do. I keep on blaming people this and that but the fact is, the problems are all because of my own self.
Shame on you, Nurul!
So, today I want to start fresh. Start anew. With hope that Allah will bless me and will never stop guiding me through out this journey. Please forgive me, ya Allah :( And these tests? I will face it with calm and patience.
"Dan minta lah pertolongan daripada Allah dengan sabar dan (dengan mengerjakan) solat. Sesungguhnya yang demikian itu adalah sangat berat, kecuali bagi orang-orang yang khusyuk." (2:45)
I will renew my niat. I will seek for HIS help. I will be patient.
HE will definitely answer me, sooner or later. InsyaAllah.
